You felt a tickle in your throat yesterday and knew it was coming. The dreaded cold being passed around the office like a bad joke about the boss has finally caught you.
Clearly, the constant hand washing and orange juice drinking didn’t cut it. And, while you thought about getting the flu jab a few months ago, you just never got around to it; there was just always something else more important – like playing nice over the holidays or stuffing your face with tacos at the bar.
So what now? How the hell are you going to get through your presentation? Your date? The day?
Grab some tissues; you’re about to kill that cold and get rid of all the nasties that seemingly took hold in your nostrils overnight. It’s time to mix a drink. No, this one won’t have you dancing on tables, firing inappropriate comments across the room. (Save that for when you feel better.) Right now, you’re making a Mad Dog Flu-Fighting Elixir in a mug.
What you’ll need:
1 tablespoon honey
½ lemon, juiced
a dash or two of your favorite Mad Dog Hot Sauce
Mix it all up and swig it back.
As the capsaicin in the hot sauce hits your system, a few things are going to happen.
The decongestive properties will force you to blow your nose again and again. Luckily, you’ll also get a shot of endorphins from your brain which will help you deal with that snotty, irritating redness growing on your nose. (But, while no one is looking, grab some moisturizer and lather it all over your nose to prevent it becoming chapped over the course of the day.)
Soon, the cough that’s been creeping around your lungs will meet its match as the capsaicin thins the mucous in your throat. The mouth-melting feeling will soon disappear along with some of the pain from what feels like thousands glass shards lining the back of your mouth and throat.
What you won’t notice are the effects of the vitamin C and antioxidants tucked up in every tiny particle of capsaicin. They’re there, of course, but you can’t feel their benefits on a good day. There’s no reason to think you’d sense them when your face is filled with fluid.
Now, make another mug of Mad Dog Flu-Fighting Elixir and snap a selfie after downing it. The sweat and obvious pain on your face is how you’ll get out of your presentation today. Then, get on the couch or back into bed; there’s no reason to fight your way through this. Except for maybe that date. We’re not sure how you’ll get out of that one, but we know there are two things you shouldn’t do:
One – you shouldn’t go on your date tonight.
Two – under no circumstances should your date ever see the selfie you sent to your boss to get out of work today.
And, next year, just go get the flu shot. You can always use Mad Dog to contort your face and offer proof of why you shouldn’t be a work – and you should use those sick days for when you have something better to do, like stuffing your face with tacos.