It’s going to be a rough-ass day when you can’t even lift your head from the pillow and you’re squinting through one eye to read this while wishing someone would just bring you some freaking headache pills.
Perhaps it’s the wrong time to remind you that your health teacher once told you that the only hangover cure is time. Nah, we’re not going to rub it in.
In fact, we’re going to get you through the day with a minimal amount of pain.
First things first: erase any idea of getting things done today. It’s not going to happen.
Now, move right past the coffee maker and straight to your fridge to grab whatever sports or soft drink you have. Gulp it down. The sugar and salt in these drinks are going to replace the electrolytes lost through dehydration. Chase this with a glass of water (and maybe those headache tablets you’ve been dreaming about).
Though the couch is tempting and you can barely stand, get in the shower.
Alcohol spreads throughout your body, even into your skin. That’s why you look and feel… like that. While you’re at it, brush your teeth and lose that awful flavor of last night’s booze mixed with… well, we don’t want to know.
Food time: your brain needs carbs to function properly and not having enough is making your headache worse. Swallow whatever quick and easy carbs you have on hand: bread, leftover roast potatoes, hash browns.
And, since you’re craving greasy food, fry ’em up with bacon, onions, eggs and Mad Dog hot sauce. It’ll put you way ahead of the hangover curve.
Get your Bloody Mary fix
Your health teacher wasn’t allowed to tell you about the magic of Bloody Marys, but these drinks battle hangovers on levels you didn’t even realize you were up against.
Tomato juice is rich in antioxidants and vitamins. It’ll also get to work on re-lining your stomach if you couldn’t rummage enough ingredients for a breakfast fry-up. That shot of vodka is enough to take the edge off without starting the process all over again.
But, it’s the Mad Dog Hot Sauce that actually kicks your hangover to the curb.
Capsaicin (the stuff that makes you feel like your face is burning off) diverts pain away from your brain and your muscles and then triggers and endorphin release to help you cope with your trauma. Once the burn subsides, you’ll be left with a natural high, making it the best time to get on the couch and half sleep through entire episodes of whatever season you’re watching.
And next time… nah, your head is lecturing you already.